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You may have or have had a teen at home working through adolescence. Or you may be reading this recalling your years of teen stresses and wondering if it’s the same these days. Teens have many reasons to feel stress and anxiety. I often remind myself that it’s a difficult growth stage in life with many of the following stressors as a precursor to adulthood:
1. Peer Pressure – As parents witness the shift from 80% influence in their childhood years to 20% influence in their adolescent years, being a teen has tremendous influence from their peers. A peer may be suggesting how your teen should act, dress, or talk. Their peer group might be curious or dabbling in alcohol or substance use and encouraging your son or daughter to try it. Your teens may be swimming against a strong current of peer pressure and perhaps following along simply to relieve the pressure.
2. Material Competition – We all probably remember from our teen years how badly we wanted exactly what the other teens had. Although back then it may have been the trendiest shoes or clothing logo, these days the stakes are much higher. Hand-held devices, smartphones, and cars are coveted by teens. Comparison of material things might trigger feelings of stress in your son or daughter. To be accepted, your teen likely feels socially pressured to have and show off the required goods.
3. Popularity - Teens want to be known in their schools and widely accepted by others. They want to be hanging out with the peers they believe to be “cool” and admired. If your adolescent doesn’t feel they fit in with the social group they desire, stress results.
4. School Work – Today’s academic demands impose significant stress on teenagers. The pressure to perform well, get high grades, and make future career decisions is very stressful. This stress alone can result in anxiety and a sense of overwhelm.
5. Extracurricular Activities – Think about a typical example schedule for a high schooler: school day, sports practice daily, French or Debate club once a week, family gatherings or church activities weekly, social activities with friends, and potential job hours weekly. This is stressful for anyone let alone an adolescent.
6. Relationships – Whether it’s a romance or close friendships they’re struggling with, teens often worry about their relationships. “Why doesn’t Sue (or Sam) want to hang out with me anymore? “With all this anxiety, your adolescent may feel stress more often than you realize.
7. Digital Dilemmas – In this digital age, concerns such as cyberbullying, negative comparison, and screen addiction are familiar parent concerns. Social media platforms can offer connection and entertainment and yet can also foster unrealistic expectations about appearance, popularity, and success. This does trigger anxiety in most teens in some capacity.
8. Identity Discovery – Teens are in continuous discovery of their identity. As parents, we need to trust in the process of the path to adulthood, with guidance and love. Teens are under a lot of pressure to have an identity and be proud of their identity. Whether your teens are confused about their identity or exploring this area of their life, there will be stress along the way.
So how will you know when your teen is stressed?
Stress Indicators in Adolescents:
1. Communication control. Teens may choose not to talk about their feelings, experiences, or daily happenings to exercise their right, power, and privacy. While this may seem counterintuitive to relieve stress, keep in mind that your teen may opt for this rather than explaining a situation or feeling that they have yet to put into context for themselves. Also, they may feel embarrassed to discuss challenges and struggles, even with a parent.
2. Unexpected emotions and outbursts. Perhaps your teen slams a door or angrily throws a ball at their sibling. Your teen’s emotional outbursts may tend to be a bit “over the top” to the situation that occurred at the time, which is common during adolescence. Although up-and-down emotions are normal adolescent behaviors, a marked increase in your teens’ unstable mood swings can certainly be an indication that your teen is under stress.
3. Dropping grades. Significant changes in your teen’s school grades can signal that they’re struggling in some way.
4. Change in eating habits. For many teens, this indicator is quite telling in terms of how they’re feeling about life. Stay in tune with your kids’ eating habits. A noticeable weight gain or loss may require a trip to the doctor to evaluate what might be happening.
5. Contrasting behavior. If your teen turns from their normally extroverted, bubbly self into a quiet kid be aware they may be struggling with something very stressful.
6. Change in physical appearance. If you notice a significant difference in your son or daughter’s viewpoint or concern about their appearance, they may be upset about something.
7. Lack of social or “hanging out” time. If your teen has an overwhelming schedule of school, work, and extracurricular activities, they may need some assistance to limit their demanding schedule.
8. Unhealthy sleep habits. Yes, some teens like to stay up late and sleep in late, yet if your teen is not sleeping well, for sufficient duration or wants to lie in bed most of the day, it may be because they’re having difficulty dealing with the stress in their lives.
These indicators are commonly seen in teens, especially those who are stressed out. As a parent or guardian, it’s best to be observant without being immediately reactive. You will likely see more than one indicator when there are severe stresses that your teen needs your help with.
In our future Teen Titan article, we will consider how to help relieve teen stress.