Happy Father’s Day 2024 to all the creative, charming (and corny) dads out there. You are loved and appreciated. These ‘dad jokes’ are more likely appreciated by kids-to-dads or dad-to-dad. Yet, they may get a smirk from mom or an eye roll from teens 😊 In any case, I hope these jokes bring smiles to your special dad day!
1. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
2. Why does a tiger have stripes?
So he will not be spotted.
3. What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
4. Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank.
5. How do you make an eggroll?
You push it!
6. What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
7. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
8. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
9. What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless.
10. RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
11. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
12. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
13. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
14. Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
15. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
16. What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match.
17. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
Aw, shucks!
18. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire.
19. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
20. What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
21. Why were the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
22. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1forrest1.
23. What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh.
24. What do you call a pig that practices karate?
A pork chop.
25. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
26. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
Ketchup.
27. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
28. Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he's always lion.
29. What did one wall say to the other?
"I'll meet you at the corner."
30. What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
31. What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry!
32. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
33. How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
34. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
35. What do cows read the most?
Cattle-logs.
36. How do you not lose an electron?
You really have to keep an ion them!
37. What do clouds wear under their shorts?
Thunder pants!
38. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
39. What did 0 say to 8?
"Nice belt."
40. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
41. What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2.
42. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
43. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
Too many ears.
44. Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
45. What does a spy do when he is cold?
He goes undercover.
46. How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
47. When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
48. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
49. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
Mistle-toes.
50. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
51. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
52. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
53. Why didn't the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
54. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to go spreading it!
55. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown.
56. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
Stairs.
57. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
Swimming trunks.
58. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
59. Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
60. Where does the general put his armies?
In his sleevies.
61. What do you call a magician that loses his magic?
Ian.
62. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
63. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
Namaste.
64. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore.
65. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
66. Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
67. What’s black and white and read all over?
A newspaper!
68. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
69. What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
58!
70. What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag?
Imma cashew!
71. Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
72. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
73. Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
74. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
75. Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero!
76. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
77. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
78. Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
They lac-tose.
79. Which bear is the most condescending?
A pan-duh!
80. Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
81. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
82. How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
83. What kind of car does an egg drive?
A yolkswagen.
84. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality!
85. Why wouldn't the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
86. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
87. When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
88. Why was the bee's hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
89. What do you call phoney spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
90. What do you call an alligator detective?
An investi-gator.
91. What vegetables are a sailor’s enemies?
Leeks
92. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
93. What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
The glitterbug.
94. Where do roses sleep at night?
In their flowerbed.
95. Why was the politician out of breath?
He was running for office.
96. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
97. Why aren’t koalas’ actual bears?
They don’t meet koalafications.
98. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.
99. What’s a ballerina’s favorite number?
Two-two.
100. What kind of tree can fit inside your hand?
A palm tree.
101. What steals from you when you're in your bathtub?
A robber duckie.